Thursday, May 16, 2013

Proof That This Is the End of the World

 1.    Fat people have discovered that if they skip sideways they look elegant and their thighs don't rub together.

 2.    It's regarded as self-evident that any book is just a rough idea for a movie.

 3.    Nearly all people think if they're asked, "How are you?" the correct answer is, "I'm good."

 4.    A savings account is something you don't touch until Monday.

 5.    "Classroom management" means begging children to stop swearing.

 6.    Many people think bottled water is safer than tap water, and that grinding up all those bottles provides jobs for the under-privileged.

 7.    People assume touchy-feely airport security-guards just need some human contact.

 8.    If you call a library and ask if they have anything by Shakespeare, they say, "Is that a first name or a last name?"

 9.    Because pets are so expensive, dog owners are switching to mop dogs, which live mainly on other dogs' poop.

 10.    The average university student says "like" 12 times in a 25-word sentence.

 11.    Most people would rather sit for an hour in a drive-in lane for a hamburger than walk in the door.

 12.    Anything heard on the evening news is is regarded as gospel truth.




Peter Goodchild

Author of Tumbling Tide: Population, Petroleum, and Systemic Collapse (London, Ontario: Insomniac Press, 2014)


2 comments:

  1. Do you have any data on any of these silly suggestions?
    Please provide Canadian data from a mainstream source to support at least 4 of these ideas.......... otherwise you are no better than those who live in bus stations and mumble at strangers (with apologies to a great French-american travel writer)!

    ReplyDelete